We were wanted. We are miracles. “A positive story of donor conception”

There is no single narrative.

Hi everyone. DCP with a somewhat different perspective to share. I do hope others may benefit. I am a person who by nature focuses on health and strength rather than pathology. I joined this group because I actually am happy to be DC. This journey has been a fascinating and wonderful experience.

My good fortune is due to a combination of factors that have made a difference for me and in no way represent the feelings and experiences of other DCPs.

To date, I have 46 confirmed siblings. We expect our numbers are in the upper 100s and possibly higher but we will never know. We were born between 1940 and 1971. I am in my late 50s and I learned through DNA testing when I was in my early 50s. Of our 46 siblings, 3 are distressed about being DC and 43 of us are enjoying this remarkable chapter of our lives. We have reunions with spouses and nieces and nephews. We travel together, go to dinner and shows together and find ways to spend time with our newly discovered family. We network for one another and share a wealth of resources. We joke that if we suddenly learned our DNA results were wrong and we are not donor conceived, we would be upset. Of the 43 of us who are enjoying our connections, no one is angry with our parents. No one feels they were lied to. No one feels any special connection to our deceased donor. Feelings of admiration and respect and deep appreciation and love for our parents is most often described. We refer to our parents as mother and father. We do not call our fathers our social fathers. We fully appreciate the decisions they made and why they made them at a time in history when none of this was ever discussed. They did what they were told to do. I would not have wanted to know I was DC in the 1960s when we couldn’t even deal with women’s rights and civil rights. I grew up with as normal of a life as my parents could provide. My parents protected me and my brother and themselves. My father did everything I could have asked for. He taught me to ride a bike and drive a car. He tutored me when my grades were marginal. He was there for every school play, orchestra recital, every stupid award I received and every time I was sick. He took countless photos of me and bragged to everyone of how proud he is. He still does. He has more than earned his title and he is the only one I grant it to. I love him tremendously and even more so now that I understand our story.

I am also greatly appreciative of our donor’s family who has shared photos and stories of our donor. Like many large sibling sets, our donor was a world renowned fertility specialist and a truly brilliant man. There is something genetic passed on. Over 40{0409dda82a4a326af73fa00f72b950ee71df3d667bfa02b952ce3a0cb8a25d72} of my siblings are doctors and the others are exceptionally accomplished. I could not have asked for more wonderful and fascinating siblings. The first time I saw my donor’s face was profound. I could see my face. And it is totally wild to compare features with siblings.

My mother was adopted. Her birth mother was also orphaned. I grew up understanding that love and attachment is not with blood ties alone. When I discovered I am DC I feared I was alone in the world. I kicked into high gear to bring our siblings together.

One of my older brother’s parents were child survivors of the Holocaust. They were the only ones in his family who survived. When they passed he thought he had no family. And then we all came together. He spoke of how his existence is against all odds. His parents were the only survivors, his father was infertile. “What are the odds I would be here? We were wanted. We are miracles!”

When I speak of this in the DC groups I am lambasted. It’s rainbows and unicorns and whatever. This is my story. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

Here are my takeaways ~

* Not everyone is traumatized, struggling with identity, upset with parents, etc.
* Our older ages give us a different life perspective. Our identities are already well established and not shaken.
* We are fortunate to have confirmed the identity of our donor and to have learned about him. I also found my mother’s birth family. There is no such thing as anonymity. Everyone can be found.
* We are very fortunate to have each other and to have the support we receive.

With this said, the pain many express is real. I don’t know how I would fair had I not found my siblings, learned about my donor or if I had parents who rejected my feelings. I know who I am in the universe and it makes a difference. I do believe that FB groups have an over representation of persons who are struggling. I wanted to share my story so that you know that there is no one single narrative.

Side note~ Insurance covered tens of thousands of dollars of medical genetic testing for me bc of a suspected health condition and the fact that my family medical history is a ghost. I believe I gained a lot more knowledge specific to me than I could ever have known from what family could report.

Thank you to the moderators for starting this group. I wish all the best for your vision to be actualized.

By Anonymous

(this is a post from Building Bridges Facebook, authorized by author to share)

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